Sam did have her first sleep as a human being, but she did not have a good night's sleep. Her dream started off well - she was back at the SGC.
She thought all the events in being kidnapped were the dream. It did not take long for everyone at the SGC to ignore her. She immediately went to find Colonel Jack O'Neill.
When she found him, he too was walking away. The faster shewent after him, the further away he became. Sam stopped running. She realized it was a dream. She fell to the ground and screamed.
Sam woke up screaming a little. She gave the command, “Lights.” The room lit up. She immediately got out of bed, and went to the bathroom, adjacent to her bedroom, and turned on the water. She splashed cold water in her face. She then cursed out loud.
She put on her robe, and quietly walked out of her room and out of the house. She simply sat on the swing in the front yard, far too frightened to go back to sleep. After a few moments, Corran quietly walked to her.
“Could not sleep?”
She did not look at him at first. Finally she said, “No, afraid to go back to sleep.”
Corran sat beside her on the swing quietly.
“I had a dream. I was back at the SGC. It felt like being here was the dream. Everything and everyone was behaving as they should. Before I knew it, everyone was ignoring me.”
“Finally I ran for Colonel Jack O'Neill. When I found him, he was a fair distance from me. I moved quickly to catch up with him. When the distance from us was getting longer, I ran faster and faster, but he ended up being further and further from me. I then realized it was a dream, and fell on the ground screaming. It was then I woke up.”
“It was a dream.”
She replied after she finally looked at her Master, “It surely did not feel that way. I was there on Earth, and at the SGC. Things were like...”
Corran interrupted, “Like they should be?”
Sam nodded.
Corran said gently, “Here is how I see it. For the first time you are realizing how much you miss everyone on Earth. You went to Jack as a Colonel. You did not go to him as the man you love. I do not know if that is why you could not go to him in your dream, but you did try to find him for comfort. The dream was peaceful. It is the reality that is a nightmare.”
She chuckled sarcastically, “If it is that's good.”
He stated sternly, “There you go again. Hitting on yourself when it is not necessary.”
She responded sadly, “Master I know. Sometimes it is the only way to numb the real pain that is hurting me.”
Corran stated with a smirk, “It might be the time to find another way, yes?”
Sam gave her Master a smile. “You think?”
Corran laughed, “Yes I do.”
He was quiet for a moment and continued, “Sam I am going to teach you the first Jedi technique. It is quite simple, and it might help you focus more from these feelings that have been forced upon you.”
“Wow! That would be very nice indeed.”
“I want you to close your eyes, and stretch out with your feelings. See things around you. Feel them. Be a part of them.”
She did as she was told. At first she only saw the darkness from her closed eyes.
All of a sudden Sam was seeing things. She was about to comment, but her Master ordered her to concentrate. Sam explored all around her. She did not only see things, but felt them from within herself. It was more than touching the grass, flowers, and everything around her. It was like she was becoming a part of these things in a very special way.
After Sam spent a few minutes in the Force, Corran asked her to concentrate on Jack not as an officer, but as her lover.
When she did this, she immediately found herself moving ever so fast into space. Minutes later she saw her planet closing into view.
Corran told her to concentrate on Jack. Seconds later, she found herself in the SGC complex.
Jack was standing right in front of her vision. She called out to him in her mind, “Jack it is me. Please come to me. I need you. I want you at my side once again.”
For a moment Jack was about to respond as if he heard her voice. She replied to it, “Yes Jack, it is me. I am alive and...well. I do not know where I am, but I am in a galaxy far, far away. Please, you must find me.”
Jack quickly moved away. She understood Jack too well. She knew he heard her, but he was not the type to believe in clairvoyance.
She also knew that following Jack would only push him away. She opened her eyes, and saw her Master sitting beside her.
“I hope I did not scare him too much.”
“You did not. He did not run away from you, but to find a deep space star map. Your Jack must be an astronomer?”
She smiled, “Yes, an amateur one. Will I be able to make contact to him anytime I want to?”
“Yes, and one day without my help.”
She smiled once more, “Thank you Master.”
Corran smiled back. “I think you can go back to sleep now. You will need your rest my dear Padawan.”
She did just that. When she finally went to sleep, for the first time she slept as she should, with Jack right beside her.
**********
The next morning the smell of breakfast woke her. She got out of bed, and immediately got cleaned up. After she dressed, she wondered if she had to turn C-3PO on. She walked closer to him. She was about to touch him when suddenly he woke up.
Sam replied, “Sorry to wake you C-3PO, but later this morning, I will need your help when Mirax and I go into town.”
C-3PO replied, “You did not wake me. It was my internal clock that woke me. How are you feeling today?”
“Hungry.”
The two of them walked to kitchen. Sam asked Mirax, “Anything I can do to help you?”
“Thank you no. Everything is about to be set on the table. Have a good night's sleep dear?”
“I did wake up last night with a very odd dream, but Master Corran helped me make contact with Jack.”
Mirax replied a big smile, “Wonderful news. I knew it from the beginning you would become a very powerful Jedi Knight.”
“I hope so.”
Mirax stated with certainty, “Sam, I know so.”
Mirax was carrying something to the table, “Please have a seat. Corran will be down any moment.”
As Sam was sitting Mirax said, “As far as your bad dreams, they will come and go. Just remember what I ask you to do for yourself.”
Sam said with a smile, “I am Samantha Carter, and I am a free person.”
Corran replied, as he walked into the room, “Yes you are a free person. Like I told you yesterday, you will continue to have these emotions ride you like pulling the ears off a gundark, but you will win in the end.”
“I thought that phrase meant that an individual appears healthy and strong?”
“That is what I am trying to say to you.”
“I do not believe that falling apart and all that I have been through would be concidered strength.”
Mirax sat down at the table. “Why do you believe that failure is not strength?”
She answered after swallowing her bit of food, “With that type of failure, I cannot see how it can be.”
“All failure can be turned to strength.”
“How?”
Corran answered, “By not allowing it to dominate your life. Once you start to see what you have been through is not the worst thing that can happen to you, then you can see that you are one special person. Trust me, I have seen a lot worse.”
Sam did not say anything in reply.
After they ate breakfast, He got his Padawan to flex her muscles with the Force. She did this until it was time for her to go with Mirax. “I want you to do this for the rest of the week, even at your spare time. The Force is the power of a Jedi Knight.”
She relied with a smile, “I will Master. I would like to check on Jack to see what he and the SGC are up to. If Luke is right, they will come to me first. I would like for them to do it before I become an old lady.”
Corran smiled, “I do not think it will take them that long, but I think you have pushed things in the right direction.”
When Mirax, C-3PO, Dentralla, and Sam got to their first stop, Sam saw a wonder of all different species.
There were not as many as on Coruscant, but it was very interesting for her to watch everyone doing their things in life.
Mirax said to her, “Please feel free to walk around. Do not worry about getting lost. C-3PO can help you get back here at the scheduled time.”
“Will you be alright by yourself?”
“Yes I will. I come here a lot. Everyone knows me.”
Sam smiled and took off with Dentralla and C-3PO. She visited a good number of shops in the area.
As expected, Sam ran into some trouble. She recognized it was one of the guards that worked for Telk. The guard attacked her with his version of humiliations. He said to her, “So the little slave had someone to buy her again.”
Dentralla growled very angrily.
The guard said, “You do not scare me, Wookie.”
Sam was about to get angry with him for treating her and Dentralla like trash. The guard saw this, and intimidated her some more. “Want to hurt me? Think you can?”
Mara's voice said, “I would like to see that. Sam here is a Captain. She has more training in self-defense than the intelligence you have in your puny little mind.”
Sam just stood there with almost a smile on her face. The guard pressed a button on a device on his belt. Nothing happened.
Sam immediately taught the guard a few special martial art moves. Before the guard realized it, he was laying on his back with the breath knocked out of him.
Sam used some intimidating words. “I have not broken a sweat. Want to continue?”
The guard jumped to his feet, and made a few swings at her. Sam dodged each attack.
Sam asked, “Please do not tell me that was your best attack?”
It was Mara that used the Force to push the guard backwards until he hit a sign post.
Mara said, “Tell your friends if anyone bothers Sam Carter once more, they will have to deal with the Jedi Knights.”
Sam replied, “If they are anything like you, I might have some fun here in this world after all.”
The guard quickly and quietly left them.
Mara smiled at Sam, “It looked like you were enjoying that.”
Sam smiled, “After all, Dentralla is my buddy.”
“It is I that is supposed to be protecting you.”
Sam smiled again, “Oh, I see. I got the silly thing in reverse.”
The three of them laughed.
Mara replied, “Those were great moves. I would be honored if you can teach me.”
Sam smiled, “It is the least I can do for rescuing me. Thank you for allowing me to kick his ass a bit. Just too bad he was a pushover.”
Mara laughed, “People like him usually are. They have big fiery words, but no substance.”
C-3PO said, “Well done Mistress Sam. He deserved every bit of that.”
Sam smiled, “Thanks C-3PO.”
“Do you have the time to come with me?”
“Yes. We do not have to meet up with Mirax until the next few hours.”
Mira took a small device off her belt. She touched the controls and Mirax voice was on the other end.
Mira said, “I have Sam with me. I will bring her back at your place later this evening.”
Mirax said, “I will let Corran know when I get home.”
Mira turned her communication device off, and put it back on her belt.
Mara looked at Sam and said, “Come on. Let us have some fun.”
Sam asked, “You know more we can beat up?”
They both laughed.
“I meant us ladies can do something together. Afterwards, I can show you my arsenal.”
“Great!”
Mara looked at Dentralla. “I can watch after Sam on my own. I would like to spend some time with her alone if you do not mind.”
Dentralla looked at Sam.
Sam smiled.
Both Dentralla and C-3PO took off.
Mara had been watching Sam since she arrived with Mirax. Mara showed her some better shops of the things she was interested in.
Mara said, “I do not know how business is done in your world, but here you have to be careful. The shop merchants can con you blind. It is best that you know what you want to buy before you walk in.”
“Unfortunately we have those types of sharks in the sea on Earth. There are laws against it, but due to hearsay, it is hard to prove.”
“Lucky for me, I can use the Force to tell if they are pulling a fast one on me.”
“Cool.”
“The Force can be very useful.”
Sam stated, “I am getting hungry. Know of some good restaurants?”
Mara smiled, “Yes I do. It is not far.”
They only walked a few blocks.
When Terrell allowed Sam to go into town when she wanted to unaccompanied, Sam knew what foods she liked and disliked. She was able to order on her own.
While waiting for their order, the two of them made small talk.
They did not have to wait long at all.
As they were eating lunch, Sam told Mara that Master Corran helped her talk to Jack.
“It was you that did that Sam. The only thing that your Master did was guided you.”
Sam said excitingly, “You mean I can use this Force and make contact to him right now.”
Mara smiled, “Sure, but let's finish eating lunch first.”
Sam smiled in return, “In that case, how can I convince him that it is me, and he is not losing his marbles over thinking he is hearing voices?”
Mara thought for a moment. She answered, “You know more about Jack than I do. This is only a suggestion. The next time you do make contact with him, encourage him to say something first.”
When they finished lunch, they exited the diner.
Mara asked, “How are you doing?”
Sam understood the question. “I had a dream last night.”
She described the dream in detail.
Mara said, “It seems to me that you are just homesick.”
“Why did it seem so real to me? I never had dreams like that before.”
“Only you can answer that question. Why did it seem so real to you?”
“I really do not know.”
Mara smiled, “That is the funny things about dreams. They could be telling us something, and at the same time leading us in the wrong direction.”
“It might be that I am so home sick, and my mind could have easily made it truly life like.”
“If you have any dreams that are harmful for you, please let us know about it.”
Sam was about to say something, but did not. Mara saw this.
“Sam, what is the matter?”
Sam reluctantly said, “To my shame I did not tell something I should to my Master before going to bed once again. I did not tell him the reason that I was screaming.”
Sam was quiet for a moment. She continued, “I had the ultimate fear. Jack was running away from me.”
Mara said with a loving smile, “You thought he was leaving you because how lonely you feel here in our world.”
Sam nodded.
“There is nothing to be ashamed of. We all knew how you are feeling. In reality Sam, no one is departing from you. What you are doing is falling in a bubble. That bubble has only one occupant… you. When you are in that bubble, you are safe from these negative emotions. When we are all are safe, we can think clearly. That is where the conflict is confusing you. Neither Jack nor any of your SGC friends are leaving you. Due to your small little bubble, you are leaving them.”
“Oh my god! You are right. Knowing me I must have thought I was protecting them from what I been through. All this time, I was only hurting myself.”
“Time to change your thinking don't you think.”
“I think so.”
Sam facial expressions did not show that much enthusiasm.
“I have an idea for you. If you get into any situations like you just did with that secret admirer of yours...”
Sam interrupted with a chuckle.
“Have you Earthly friends at your side. If I had not arrived, your anger was about to take you over.”
Sam sighed “I know. When I heard your voice, I felt safe.”
Mara smiled, “Of course you did. We are friends. That is why we all need to have friends. They help make us who we are in our life. Trust me one is a very lonely number.”
“That is why I was very scared yesterday thinking of you all getting killed because of me.”
Mara said in a serious tone, “I want to tell you something about that. Whoever is after you could easily attack us, to get to you. I want you to promise me one thing.”
Sam was reluctant, but nodded.
“I want you to promise me that if any of us gets injured, kidnapped, killed, or whatever that you will not blame yourself. Did you blame yourself in getting kidnapped and brought her?”
“No, I did not.”
“You should not blame yourself if anyone gets killed. You are not the murdering type. Do you understand me?”
“Yes I do.”
“Okay then. As you know Sam, we Jedi can see a lot of things about you from the Force, but we also see even greater things just by experiencing you own behaviors. I can see from everything you have faced here has changed you in ways you do despise, but the real Sam Carter is still in you. Just let her out.”
Sam replied nervously, “Right now, I am just too frightened to do that.”
Mara stated, “We know Sam. We know. That is why all of us will be helping you get out of this shell and stay out for good.”
Sam pledged, “If I do get out, I am going to kick this damn shell like I did with one of Telk's guard.”
Mara blurted out, “TELK! That is one mean son of a Hutt.”
After seeing Sam's cringing, Mara asked, “I take it you have met one of these Hutts?”
“Yes I did. She nearly slapped my head off. That bloody whore.”
“I am sure you can think of a better word to call her than that?”
Sam asked with fear in her voice, “Could we not talk about her.”
Mara smiled, “Sure my dear friend.”
It did not take long for them to reach Mara and Luke's apartment. After they got inside, Mara asked Sam if she wanted anything.
“Barium Frizz if you have it.”
“Yes we do.”
Mara understood that Sam had to be drinking that a great deal to know the name of the drink.
Mara also realized how much Sam was hurting inside. Mara got a small glass and a bottle of Barium Frizz from the refrigerator.
After Sam drank it down, Mara did not know what concerned her most, how fast she drank the beverage or that Sam did not cringe from having that drink go that fast down her throat. Mara knew she could not drink a sip without feeling the burning sensations.
Mara reluctantly asked if Sam wanted another glass.
Sam drank the second glass in one gulp.
Mara said, “Dammit girl. You are hurting.”
“Yes I am.”
“Come and sit down, and talk to me.”
After sitting down, Sam said, “When I just remembered that Hutt, I had so many raw emotions come up from me that I felt so damn depressed. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
Sam explained the event in every detail.
Mara felt so horrible for Sam that she wanted to drink right out of the bottle. Mara could not find the words to comfort Sam at the moment. In feeling from the Force on what she was feeling, Mara thought that no words could.
“I know that I am safe now. Safety is not the issue. It is the hurt after the storm that is upsetting me the most. There is so much more that I had faced that would make what I just told you a social picnic.” All that time Sam was talking, not once did she look at Mara.
Sam finally looked right at Mara and continued, “If my Master did tell me that I could find Jack with the Force and communicate with him, I was about to give up on myself due to this damn dream of mine.”
Mara did not say anything in reply. How could she? What could she say? “Sam has all the right to give up. Dammit, I would.”
With how Sam was feeling Mara did not get the chance to show her what she had in her arsenal. That would have to wait another day. Mara thought it would be best to take Sam home. She wanted to talk to Corran about this.
When they got there, Sam helped Mirax prepare for dinner.
Mara was talking with Corran in a more private location, outside.
After hearing all that Mara told him he said, “Thank you for being there for her. She might not have told me what she did to you.”
“She might have. She has spoken very highly of you Corran.”
“If I did not mention the Hutts, she would not have said anything. In all that she has been through, how can she easily come out with it to you, me, Luke, or anyone?”
Corran did not reply.
“To tell you the truth Corran, I am right out scared for her. She is one strong person, but I do not think she can rightfully handle these feelings she has on her.”
“She is a strong person. It is that strength that will allow her to win. I know she will make it. We need to find her home world fast.”
“You think that Jack can find us?”
“I really do not know. I can tell you that Luke has never been wrong. I never could understand how he does it, and I surely do not see how anyone on Earth can find us since they have never been that far into space. If we cannot find that planet, how are they going to find this galaxy?”
Mara answered, “Let's hope their allies can help them find us. If not, Sam might go out of her mind if Jack and her SG1 friends cannot come to us soon.”
