It has been a month after Sam's recent attack. It was not long for Sam to shake off the fears of using the Force in any manner she had to do. She was determined to find the light from within herself. She realized it was inside her. She could feel it.
Sam just needed to let it out like a beacon. She also wanted to find out what her Master was not telling her directly. It was gnawing at her. It was like she knew the answer but for some reason it was out of reach.
“This is a lot worse than the seven year itch. Just the same, I am determined to scratch it. I also think it will make a big difference in how I turn out as a Knight. How much I want to be one.”
Sam was at her track running around the course as she was thinking to herself. Mara was running with her this time.
Neither one was using the Force to help them run. A Jedi need physical exercise. After a few laps of running, Sam slowed down, and walked to the bench where their gear was waiting for them. When Mara caught up with her, Sam said, “That was a great workout.”
Mara replied, “You always beat me in running.”
Sam smiled as she dried herself off from the sweat on her face and neck.
“I have been running like this for a good long time, even before joining the United States Air Force. I will only use the Force to help me run if necessary.”
Mira smiled, “I might need to use the Force more when I am running in order to out race you girl.”
“You are getting faster. Give it time, and we will be running side by side.”
“I see you are dealing with your recent attack very well.”
“Yes, I have. Here lately, I feel like it never happened, thanks for all of you guiding me. Have you had any leads on who this person could be?”
Mara frown, “Sorry Sam, we have not.”
Sam gave Mara a big smile, “One day we will get him.”
“Him? Are you sure it is a male?”
Sam told her about the time she was brought to a person that examined her from her soul. Sam continued, “It felt like he was inside me. He was probing everything that made me who I am. It was the most horrible thing that had ever experienced.”
Mara replied, “I would rather be slapped by a Hutt.”
Sam cringed.
Mara asked with concern, “What is wrong?”
Sam in a cold blank stare answered, “I was slapped by a Hutt remember? She hit me so hard I ended up falling on the grown. When my eyes finally adjust to the light from being in that dark cell, I wanted to run screaming. She was huge.”
“There is one Hutt that sounds like yours, Anachro the Hutt.”
Sam replied, “I was not with her that long, and I was grateful. She did not tell me her name. I do not remember the details of how she looked.”
“They all look the same, fat and disgustingly ugly.”
Sam smiled, “She was a Hutt then.”
Sam shook the foreboding memories of that day. “I hope I do not have to meet another one ever again.”
Mara smiled, “Same here Sam.”
Sam smiled, “Let go to the gym. I need to work on my arms now.”
When they walked inside, they saw Luke and Teal'c inside.
Sam replied, “Hi guys.”
The two of them said hello back.”
Before Sam got started, Luke said, “Teal'c said that this gym is a lot better than the one at the SGC on Earth.”
“Yes that is true. I always wanted a bigger gym. I also knew that all of you would want use it.”
Luke just smiled.
Sam was a little more aggressive in her weight lifting session. Remembering that fat ass Hutt hit a nerve in Sam. What Sam did not tell Mara was that she wanted to mentally kick that sorry Hutt in the ass, if she only knew where it was located.
After Sam was done, Mara asked, “Feel better now.”
Sam replied with a smile, “Yes I do.”
As Sam was in the showers getting cleaned up, Teal'c asked, “That was strange for Sam to be that aggressive in her bench pressing.”
“Not this time Teal'c. She had a suppressed memory of meeting Anachro the Hutt. Mara told them everything. “Sam being aggressive was her way to kick Anachro's ass. I would have done the same.”
Mara also told them why Sam thinks the one that kidnapped her is a male.
Teal'c asked, “How many males do the Jedi know that can do something like this?”
“We have been trying to find that out since the day we rescued Sam. So far we have found nothing.”
“I have talked recently with Master Bratac. So far the Jaffa have not found anything either.”
Luke said, “I promise you Teal'c we will find whoever is responsible. He will show his head sooner or later.”
Teal'c replied, “I would love to meet this person.”
Mara replied angrily, “I have been itching to do just that since I felt the horrors in Sam.”
**********
A short time after Sam got cleaned up. Mara, Luke, and Teal'c was with Sam in meditating in the Force. Sam did not want to be alone this time. She strongly felt that she had to continue where she started. This time she did not go down memory lane.
Sam focused on the here and now. She had to find out what her Master wanted her to know. Sam recalled the conversations they had prior to her meditating before the recent attack.
“I have to find the answers within myself. Before I can know the answer, I need to know the question.”
All the sudden a familiar voice came to Sam, “Hold on Sam. You are strong. You will make it.”
Like that seven year itch, Sam could not place where she heard that voice, or that saying. Just the same Sam understood.
Sam cleared her mind, and focused deep within herself with the Force. After a short time, Sam saw the first alien she ever met that was not a Hutt. It was a Twi'lek. Sam all the sudden remembered her.
Sam said, “You are Skyma Talle. That Jedi that was murdered by those...” Sam did not know what to call them.
Skyma smiled, “It is great to see you once again Sam Carter...O'Neill is it now?”
Sam smiled, “Yes.” Sam looked around a bit. She asked, “Where are we?”
“You do not know where you are?”
Sam shook her head.
Skyma gently said, “Look around again. You will see where you are.”
Sam did as she was asked. Sam finally figured it out. “O My God. I am inside myself.”
“You see the person you were before. You are here to get to know that person once again. It is time that you let her out from the prison that you have put her in.”
Sam was shocked. “I put myself in this!”
“Not all by yourself, but you are the only one that can let that person out.”
Sam asked with a puzzled look, “If you are dead, how can you talk to me?”
“I am not dead in the sense you know it, but I have been transformed into the Force.”
“So a Jedi Knight does not die?”
“They die regarding the physical world. Do not let this concern you at this time. There will be plenty of time to learn that aspect of the Force. Right now, concentrate on who you once were.”
Skyma was fading away. Sam yelled out in her mind, “Wait! I have so many questions to ask you!”
Skyma's voice rang out with an echo as she became further and further away from Sam, “First do this task, and do it for yourself. We will talk again before you become a Jedi Knight. Farewell.”
Right after she left, Sam remembered that Skyma called her “Your Highness.” “What in the hell did she think I was royalty. Could there be another Sam Cart... She addressed me as Sam O'Neill. What is going on here?”
Skyma's voice sounded at a great distance, but Sam heard it, “You have found the light from within. Now allow it to follow you outside.”
“How do I do that?”
There was no answer. Like with her Master, this is something that she will have to answer herself.”
She used the Force to examine that old self that had been buried deep inside her mind. She was hopping she will not be talking to herself. If that happen, then she would surely think she was losing her mind. What did happen was something unexpected. She was experiencing all the things she had experienced before she was taken from her SG1 team.
All the sudden she opened her eyes. She gave out a warm smile. It would take time for her past persona to meet up with herself in the present, but she did feel that light from within her, and she was excited.
Sam also knew that she had to slowly let out what has been buried within her. She did not know if she would be able to let it out before she became a Knight, but she knew she would.
She had more sessions like this. After a good number of times, she was wondering if Skyma was going to show up again. One day she did.
When Skyma did show up, Sam gave a smile, “I was wondering if you would show up again.”
“I thought you should be alone to get to know you past self.”
“Why did you call me Your Highness the first time we met?”
Skyma gave a big smile, “That my dear Sam is something that you will have to find out in its own time.”
“I am not royalty.”
“You are and you’re not. That is all I will say. Like I said before, I said too much.”
Sam smiled, “I know who I am, and I can tell you that I am not all that important to make a fuss over. I am not a person that was born yesterday, but I am just an ordinary individual that was kidnapped from Earth.”
Skyma asked with certainty, “Does a war make a great warrior?”
“Of course not.”
“Just the same, your country has recorded certain men as such. They too thought themselves as just individuals. They were not great due to what they did, but how they did it. Historians recorded this because it should not be forgotten.”
“Are you saying that I am in the history books?”
Skyma smiled, “That would be telling would it?”
Sam smiled back, “Yes it would. It is very interesting we met when we did.”
“I assure you it was not planned that way.”
“After Telk tortured me, I did lose all hope in myself, and the confidence you have given me then.”
Skyma smiled, “You have it back and much, much more. Never look back to the past unless it gives you the opportunity to live for the future.”
“That did give me hope for a short time.”
Skyma frowned, “Sam, please do not blame yourself for giving up due to Telk and the others that tortured you.”
“I was the one that gave up.”
Skyma stated sternly, “No it was not. Your will was broken, but it was not because of you. Telk would have continued to torture you a lot longer than he did to finally brake you. No one could win through what you went through. You have totally kicked that fat bastard to the prison he will stay in for the rest of his life.”
Sam smiled, “It did feel good to do that. It also felt better that I did not kill him right then and there.”
“You did the right thing Sam. If you killed him, you would not be a murderer. He had hurt and killed so many. I am very proud of you in what you said to him.”
Sam asked confusingly, “How can you know all that I did to him?”
Skyma reassuringly said, “I have been monitoring you for some time.”
“Please do not take this the wrong way, but why would anyone want to watch what I do. I am a retired Air Force Officer. That is about it.”
“Sam have you forgotten your love for science.”
Sam slumped. She answered with a very negative tone, “That part of me does not exist anymore.”
Skyma asked calmly, “Why not?”
Sam was sounding angrier than she meant to be, “I am not that person anymore!” Sam apologized for her angry outburst.
Skyma reassured her that she had nothing to be apologetic. “If you do not want to be an astrophysicist anymore, then so be it.”
Sam sighed, “It is not that at all. I am just too frightened to be what I once was.”
Skyma understood. “I know Sam. That is why this part of you has been buried inside you so deep in your soul. After you let it out, then you can rightfully decide how you want to live your life. Believe it or not Sam, you have not buried all of your past life.”
“I know. Having SG1 here has helped me see that. Also having my brother with me when I needed him helped me ever so much.”
“You are a great person. If it was not for you, the Stargate program would not have been established. You said it yourself, 'I should have gone through the Stargate the first time.' ”
“How does that make me a great person? I was at the right place at the right time.”
“Sam when you see past all the temporal aspects of life, you will see how important you are to others, including yourself.”
“I am asking this to find the answers of why I am not confident of myself as the others have been.”
“Sam the answer is here. It is your past life, the one that you are too afraid to live. You are the answer and the question.”
Sam replied, “How?”
“Only you can answer that Sam. You will not do it over night. It takes all of us a life time to answer the ultimate question.”
Sam smiled, “Do not tell me, the question is, 'What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?'”
“Believe it or not Sam, not a bad way to start.”
Sam said, “I was joking about that.”
Skyma spouted, “I am not. When we all find our true selves, we will find the answers to everything about life. Each and every one of us is a spark of life. The answer and the question are in us all.”
Sam confusingly said, “I am more confused now than I was with my Master. I want to find out what he wanted me to see for myself.”
“What are you looking for?”
“Everyone has told me to find the light from within myself. You said it was in me, and I should let it out. I am here with you now, and I still do not understand.”
“What do you see?”
“I do not know.”
“Exactly!”
Sam spouted out, “WHAT!?!”
Skyma smiled, “Sam the best in all understanding is admitting, 'I do not know.' Humility admits failure.”
“I told my Master, 'I wished I had the confidence as everyone else has for me.' Are you saying that I was not admitting to my own failures?”
Skyma threw the question back at her, “What do you think you did not do?”
Sam thought about it for a moment, then answered, “I am afraid failing because I feel that if I mess up, I will feel the same way as I did in that dark stinking cell.”
All the sudden Sam screamed as loud as she could. Corran and Jack were the only ones with her during this session.
Corran said sternly to Jack, “Let her be. She is finally letting it out.”
Sam continued to scream and cry over the pain that was keeping her true self from coming out. After a moment or two Sam just screamed, “What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?”
Sam fell on her face and cried.
Sam finally looked at her Master. “What have I done to myself? How could I have allowed myself to fall so much?”
Sam moved to her husband. She put her arms around him in a way that Jack understood she wanted him to hold her. Sam cried on Jack's shoulder.
Corran gently said to Sam, “It is okay Sam. You are safe now. There is no reason to be afraid anymore.”
Sam buried her head deeper in Jack's chest. She did it not to hide herself from her Master, but to feel Jack's love more intensely.
Her Master said to her, “Sam, look at me.”
It took a moment for her to reply to his command. With tears still running down her face she looked right at him.
Corran said, “It is not your fault that you were buried within yourself. It was not your fault that everyone died at the mines.”
“It does not feel that way right now.”
Corran smiled, “Those feelings will pass.”
Sam gave a few small nods. “If it was not for Master Skyma Talle, I would not have let go what I did.”
Corran smiled back, “I thought I felt her in you.”
“Who is or was Master Skyma Talle.”
“First of all she is a Twi'lek.”
Sam nodded.
“She was a Jedi Knight that had done intensive studies of the ancient Jedi Knights. Not much recorded history of her other than that. To this day, no one has ever found anything from her. No notes, books that she had collected, or anything to tell us what she had learned.”
Sam stated, “For some reason Earth got on her list of interest. When I met her in one of my cells, she realized I was from Earth.”
“That is very interesting. I hope that Daniel can find something more on that.”
Sam smiled, “If it exist, he can find it.”
Sam asked, “Was this what you could not tell me?”
Corran smiled, “It is part of it, yes. As you have already realized, you have still a journey a head of you.”
Sam nodded. “Yes Master, I know. I still have a lot of pain in me. I do not think all of it will go away.”
Jack said, “No it will not, but you will learn to live with it to the point that one day you will not know it is there.”
“I know it is there now.”
Sam was quiet for a moment as she looked at her husband. “Let's go home. I need some rest.”
Jack replied, “I was thinking the same thing.”
Sam smiled. Jack always had a way to make her smile.
As Sam and Jack was getting up. Sam gave her Master a Jedi bow. “I thank you for your help.”
Corran smiled, “Anytime my Padawan.”
Sam and Jack left.
As they were walking, Jack asked, “How do you feel?”
“Better, worse, and feel like hell. I am very happy you were with me when I exploded.”
“I said I always will be here for you Sam, and I am not going to back down from it.” For the remaining of their journey home, Sam and Jack quietly held each other’s hands.
**********
The next morning Sam felt like she had a hangover.
Sam asked, “Was I drinking when I got home?”
“No. You went right to bed.”
“Then I need a drink.”
Jack smiled, “You will live.”
Sam half smiled. She said, “Could have fooled me.”
Sam closed her eyes to use the Force to clear her head. After a few moments, Sam was standing up as nothing happened.”
Jack laughed, “If I only had you when I was in Desert Storm.”
Sam smiled, “The Force does come in handy.”
“How do you feel from yesterday?”
“The hangover effect was simply a side effect of what did happen. Right now I feel fine. At the moment it feels like after a thunder storm. Sorry Jack, but there will be more storms ahead.”
Jack said lovingly, “There is no reason to be sorry for anything Sam. Sounds like you are blaming yourself again.”
Sam crawled in the bed, and over to Jack.”
Sam said sympathetically, “My love, I was thinking about you having to face me screaming, and all the rest that will happen. I know it hurts you.”
“Yes it does, but not for me. I feel your pain. That is what I am concerned about. You do what you have to do. I will only be at your side when you need me.”
Sam smiled, “That is what I am referring to. You have done a lot for me, and I am very grateful. I just hope I do not burn you out in our relationship.”
Jack gently touched Sam right cheek with his left hand. “If anything, my love has grown stronger for you. I will never stop loving you Sam.”
Sam said tenderly, “I will never stop loving you either. I just do not want you to get hurt in the cross fire.”
“I have been hurt by cross fires many times. The old cross fire and I are old buddies.”
Sam laughed.
After looking into each other’s eyes for a moment, they started to kiss and caressed each other. They ended up making love to each other.
Love is a power ally. That is what Sam needed most right now. In all the hate and suffering that was afflicted on her, Sam needed more love in return.
After they were done in their romantic loving, Sam at that moment felt like her old self. She did not care for what will be ahead of her. She was with the man she loved. Sam had a bright light that was glowing bright from within her.
“I am Samantha O'Neill, and I am free.”
